I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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