i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
