I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
