I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
