Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
