I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
