he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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