My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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