very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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