Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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