You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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