If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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