They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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