garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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