soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
