We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
