I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
