First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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