well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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