dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
