Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
