too bad you live with your parents still
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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