So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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