I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
