He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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