Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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