Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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