tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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