fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
