woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
