I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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