We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
