Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
