i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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