Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
