I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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