I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
