So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
