Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
