you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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