She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
