is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
