i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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