I have demons in me.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can text with my tongue
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
