I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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