i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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