It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
