Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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