Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
