my soul wont recognize me after tonight
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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