yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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