I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
