you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
