So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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