I cannot find my penis.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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