I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
