The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
