well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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