I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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