I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
