just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
