wakey wakey hands off snakey
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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