tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
