my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
