i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
