bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
