All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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