I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
