"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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