saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
