dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize